Infertility issues can be harrowing in any relationship. After suffering with male infertility for over 11 years, a woman is questioning whether she should leave her partner as he’s refused to look into other childcare options.
Taking her concerns to popular forum Mumsnet, a 38-year-old woman has sparked a debate amongst social media users after admitting she feels ‘so sad and lonely’ about the situation.
She explained: “My husband and I have been together nearly 11 years (for context, he’s actually my partner, we’re not married but we’ve just been together for ages and that’s how we refer to each other).”
The woman went on: “We found out last year that we have no chance of conceiving naturally due to male factor infertility. I want to explore whether ICSI [Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection] is an option.”
ICSI is recognised as a technique during IVF where a single sperm is injected directly into the egg to allow it to be fertilised.
The woman continued: “I found an excellent fertility doctor for my husband a month ago and he still hasn’t made an appointment.
“He said he wants to think about whether or not he even does. I’m devastated. I’ve posted previously about how depressed the whole situation is making me. Beyond saying he wants to ‘think about it’, my husband won’t talk about it (he gets angry when I bring it up). He has said no to donor sperm (which I tend to feel the same way about).
“I just want him to go get a scan. I want to know that we did everything we could. He says he definitely wouldn’t have an operation – even the small one needed if ICSI were to be an option. I’m not coping, and I’m considering leaving – but this also feels unfair to my husband. When I brought it up again today he snapped that he wouldn’t put pressure on me if the situation were reversed.”
The woman continued: “I’m so torn. I know it’s not necessarily fair to leave because of something outside of my husband’s control – but I do feel like it is within his control to explore our options, and he is not doing this. And, even if I do leave where does that leave me? I’m not automatically just going to have children. I’m 38.
“I will be grieving the end of a decade-long relationship, trying to set up my whole life again, and I’m sure that partners that you want to have children with don’t just suddenly appear.
“So instead of being childless and in a relationship, I would be childless and single. I’m not interested in ‘going it alone’ either – I simply don’t have the support network or financial security on my own.”
“I just think about the future and feel so sad and lonely. I also live on the other side of the world to all my family and good friends, and I just don’t know where to turn,” she added.
Since posting, the woman’s thread has raked in over 400 comments to date – with several people divided over their opinions.
One person wrote: “I voted you are being unreasonable but it’s difficult and you have my sympathies. The situation must feel really tough and I can imagine it’s a moral nightmare.”
On the other hand, someone else said: “I think I would have to leave him due to knowing I would feel massive resentment towards him for not trying everything possible – not that he should have to but it’s an impossible situation.” – Mirror